Every. Single. Thing! Being a Hall of Famer means I achieved one of my aspirations and I
have much more work to do. There was a time when I believed being inducted
into the Hall of Fame was an accomplishment bestowed upon people at the end of their
career. What I have learned is having this honor
bestowed upon me means my responsibility to the NGFFL community actually increased.
As a Hall of Famer, I must represent the pillars, motto, mission, and vision of
the NGFFL in every aspect of my daily life. It is my duty to be the physical representation and embodiment
of what the NGFFL sets out to represent. I must continue to serve and be
the example. Being a Hall of Famer is everything I worked for since my first
time on the field with the Houston Hurricanes in 2010. I attended the very
first Hall of Fame induction in Phoenix. I knew then I wanted to be part of
that conversation, held in the same esteem as that elite group of people. Completing
this mission means I must now set new NGFFL objectives and work toward
achieving them with the same ferocity as I did in attaining this one. I am not
by any means done.
What made you decide to “come
out and play” in the NGFFL?
I saw a documentary called “The Butch Factor” on
television and it highlighted my now good friend Jason Hefley. I knew
immediately that I wanted to join the NGFFL ranks. I could see
myself in Jason (I realize how that reads and I am not changing the words –
you are the problem, not me). I felt represented when I saw him on the field,
working his job, and just living his daily life. I immediately sought out the
local team, the Houston Hurricanes, and sent them an email detailing why I was worthy of
joining the ranks. It was the best, most affirming decision I ever made. That
moment, that program, Jason’s presence, the NGFFL changed the course of my
entire life in ways I had only dreamed possible.
What do you want your NGFFL legacy
to include?
I would hope my legacy already includes being known (and possibly
feared) as a fierce competitor on the field. I would also hope my legacy is one
of love and friendship off the field. I did win the first and only “Best
Sportsmanship” Award in Phoenix in 2010. Ha! I love Jared Garduno! What I joined the NGFFL to do was to create a space for myself in the world of LGBTQ+ athletics. I
played sports in high-school and in college, but I never felt like I belonged.
I could never figure out how to carve out a space for myself. When I joined the
NGFFL, I found a manner to bring forth all the best parts of myself and put
them on display, athletically and personally. By bringing all my best qualities to the forefront, I created a safe space for people to
gravitate towards knowing they could be their authentic selves in my presence without judgment. I want my legacy to include the community, sportspersonship,
philanthropy, love, honesty, and authenticity I strive to display regularly. I
came to the NGFFL desperately searching for those elements, so it is my
responsibility to provide them to others. I hope I have done so thus far.
Given the mission of the
NGFFL: “...promotes the positive athletic and social benefits of flag football
competition…foster and cultivate the self-respect of all LGBTQ+ individuals and
promote respect and understanding from the larger community” – how do you plan
to use your new status as Hall of Famer to fulfill these ideals?
By being available. Visibility matters. I proudly wear my NGFFL memorabilia
any and everywhere. I share the plethora of stories I know about how the NGFFL has changed so many
lives. I promote league initiatives and tirelessly work toward making the NGFFL
the premiere LGBTQ+ sports organization in the universe. I will continue to
find manners to improve my impact on the mission and vision of the NGFFL. I will continue to fortify what the NGFFL does
for its family members and greater society. Ultimately, I will continue to
donate my time and my talents to elevating this league to greater heights in
every possible manner. I do not know the specifics of what the work entails,
but I do know whatever it is, I will be prepared to contribute.
What are your suggestions to
the NGFFL leadership to assist in continuing to advance the organization’s
reach, mission, and vision?
As a sitting member of the NGFFL leadership structure excuse my bias in stating I believe we are doing a legendary job at this already, overall. However, I would like the NGFFL to continue to expand its
inclusion and equity efforts until equity and inclusion become obsolete. I would
like the NGFFL to be so intentionally inclusive, so purposefully equitable to
all members, that we no longer require discussions or initiatives surrounding
the topics of racial, women, Trans, or other types of equity and inclusion. It is my goal to
continue pushing forward conversations, creating initiatives, and taking action
to ensure all who come to the NGFFL feel like he, she, or they belong.
What is your memorable Gay
Bowl moment so far?
I believe the story of my dual proposal to my now
husband, Chad, is the stuff of legend thanks to the NFL Films segment, so I will
choose another moment. It was after Thurman Williams was originally elected the
commissioner of the NGFFL in 2016 at the D.C. Gay Bowl closing ceremony. I remember being very excited for him, because over the prior year we became increasingly friendlier with each other.
However, to my great surprise, as soon as he finished his acceptance speech, he
walked off the stage, got a few hugs, and made his way over to me. When he got to me, he gave me what I now know as his signature Thurman, "I'm about to tell you what to do and you will comply" stare and said, “I
am going to need you on my Board.” I was gobsmacked. I had no idea I was on anyone’s
radar to do anything more than be a body on the field, especially someone at
his level of NGFFL celebrity. I felt seen. I felt important. I felt a sense of
validation that my efforts and my presence were not going unnoticed. I also immediately felt a sense of responsibility to give more of myself to this league that had given me everything I always wanted. I knew
then I needed to change the manner in which I was contributing to the NGFFL. I
was simply terrified as to what that meant and how I would accomplish anything
at all. Luckily, with some strong assists from Thurman, Shigeo Iwayima, Sam Leman, Lance Burage, Ryan Peel, and JJ Woods, I quickly began to carve out a path that led me to his honor.
How did the NGFFL give you a
sense of belonging and affirm your LGBTQ+ athlete identity?
I feel like I answered this through my previous
responses, but I will be more intentional here. I knew I had same sex attraction
since I was 5-years young. My first kiss was a guy. I had a gay uncle growing
up and my mother is a nurse that (unfortunately still) enjoys discussing sex and sexuality. I also
grew up in a household with athletes all around me: my grandmother, my mother,
my not-gay uncles, and my older brother all played sports. What I never saw was
any intersectionality of sports and sexuality, unless it was heteronormative, misogynistic,
and anti-feminine. It was not until I began to play in the NGFFL did I find a
place where my sexuality mattered LESS than my on the field ability, where my sexuality was not truly a topic. I was
never the most masculine guy. People constantly questioned my sexual
orientation. Those questions seemed to also, somehow, diminish my manhood, my masculinity, and my male identity. I never truly understood why that was status-quo, this idea that being gay is somehow equivalent to being less than a man, less than male even. The NGFFL
changed that standard. It allowed me to play a sport without inhibition for the
first time in my entire life, without fear, without censoring myself. I could, for the first time, focus only on being an excellent player, teammate, and person. I knew
the first moment I stepped onto the field in my Houston Hurricanes jersey I was exactly where I belonged.
What has been the most
encouraging NGFFL advancement since you came out to play?
Easy, the NFL Films segment and the partnership with
the NFL. To have the greatest football league in the world validate the NGFFL speaks volumes about what we are doing as an organization and as a community of
LGBTQ+ athletes. Being able to partner with the NFL and NFL Films has been a
dream come true. When I joined this league, I was recently out of the closet and
still learning to navigate the LGBTQ+ community. I did not see where there
could ever be an junction between the hypermasculinity of the NFL and the
National GAY Flag Football League. Yet, here we are… partners. Because of the
efforts and visibility of every member of the NGFFL, past and present, a decade
from now it will no longer be “odd” or “strange” to witness these two organizations
working in concert with each other. That is the greatest feeling in the world. To
know I not only was able to witness this, but I was also directly involved in securing
such a collaboration is truly humbling. I helped to create something bigger
than me that will outlive me and help thousands, maybe millions, of people over
the lifetime of the partnership. That is what this is all about for me, giving back more than I take from this wonderful league that has given me so much.
What advice or wisdom would
you share with new players?
Most importantly, do
more than play the sport. Join your local Board. Join the national Board. Get
involved in your community. Volunteer. Get your league name out there to
broader society. Your visibility is what forces advancements in social
movements that create equity, diversity, and inclusion. Whatever is in your
power to accomplish, apply yourself to that and help as many people as you can
along the way. Do not be afraid to fail. Failure is not the opposite of
success, it is part of it. Be vigilant in giving back to the sport, to the organization, far more
than you take away from it. Be as active in the advancement of the NGFFL as you are in playing the sport.
Of equal importance, do your part in ensuring the LGBTQ+ community
is an actual community. Love and support each other without conditions. The NGFFL created this space in sports because we were literally not-included in other
arenas. Our mission states, "We foster and cultivate the self-respect of all LGBTQ+..." We are here to build each other up, as we are, without expectations of conformity. We are not
attempting to “normalize” our behaviors or existence. Love and embrace all the
people you meet here in the NGFFL no matter how different and then spread that love into the rest of the world. We all came here
searching for a sense of family, community, and belonging. Be part of creating
and maintaining that atmosphere.
What was your go to artist or
song to get you in game mode and why?
Maaaaaan, listen. I have a bevy of songs and artists
that get me my version of excited. If I had to pick a single artist, it’s Mary J.
Blige. The emotion with which she sings stirs my emotions and gets me prepared
to do what needs to be done on that field. Her voice can change my mood however
I need it to be changed in an instant. If there is one song, D.J. Khaled featuring pretty
much everybody, “All I Do Is Win” – the original or the remix (fine...that is two songs). That beat goes
SO HARD! And the rap verses…are you kidding me? I do not care where I am or
what I am doing, when that song comes on I go from 0 to 3000 easy. Now I want
to hear that song. Both versions.
